Sunday, October 30, 2011

My Dad has Completely Lost His Mind

I am sorry, but I just HAVE to get this off my chest for I have kept quiet way too long now!

So I go to visit my sister a couple of weeks ago and a few minutes after I get there she asks me to sit down coz she has something to tell me, about Dad.  I hate that and won't ever sit down, just tell me so I can take it standing up!  (I thought she was going to tell me he was dying of cancer or something horrible liek that?!) So, I say, "No, go ahead *gulp*".

She proceeds to tell me that dad is getting remarried.  I ask when and she says, "November, next MONTH, and that's not all".  "He's selling the house and moving to Ohio, coz 'she's' from Ohio and he loves it there, he's already been to visit a couple of times, AND 'she' was at Mom's funeral!".

Now don't get me wrong, I don't begrudge the man his happiness at all, it's just that he told me he wasn't going to do ANYTHING  for one year (Mom passed February of 2010).  Yet several things immediately did not add up.

First, he had told me back in May that he had "BEEN dating", he clearly let it slip, you should've seen his face when he realized who it was he had slipped the info to! At that time he told me that he "wasn't going to do ANYTHING for ONE YEAR", adamantly insisting.

He was working furiously to get rid of everything that was Mom's and it showed.  He even said he was going to trade in his almost brand new GMC Sierra and Mom's 4 year old Buick Le Sabre, which he had been driving coz he said it was better on gas than his truck which only had 29K miles on it and mom's car had not quite 50K.  Well, first LIE, he traded in cars alright, just Mom's and then to buy that "gas saver" he got an Equinox?! The Buick got better mileage!

Second, my sibilings and I were trying to talk him into selling the house b/c he can't stand to go into Mom's room where he found her and he's hired someone to come and clean.  *rolling eyes*  Again, he reiterated that he wasn't going to do anything for one year.

Third, but not lacking in importance, this issue w/moving out-of-state.  My Mother wanted to move too, at his suggestion and much to her delight, either Ft. Lauderdale or Seattle, both of which she LOVED, because she could, "Eat fresh fish anytime I wanted and be around a LOT of Japanese people".  She had such a happy, dreamy look in her eye when she would say that, and was SO happy at the prospect!  However, years passed and no excuses except that he didn't want to have a house payment, he just didn't get mortgages and equity and real estate wealth in general ... *rolling eyes*. 

Don't get me wrong here, I don't begrudge the man his happiness at all, he deserves that.  What I'm upset and disappointed and just plain angry about is the lies, all the lying, why is it necessary?! 

First the woman is from Dad's "gang" as he calls them, her husband has passed, dunno how long ago, so she and dad hook up, yet she was at Mom's funeral and has known mom as long as she's known dad ... since the mid 80's?!!!  Second, he wouldn't move out of Oklahoma, his birthplace and life-long home when Mom wanted to but b/c this woman wants to he will w/o hesitation?!  Yah, yah, he's grieving and wants to get away from where Mom died and is buried but COME ON!  When we first moved to Oklahoma from Long Beach, California, he LIED to Mom about his choice of final duty stations, he said his choices were either to stay in Long Beach, or he could choose Pearl City, Hawai'i, or Oklahoma, where he was from and his parents and 2 children (my older bro and sis who are actually step-sibilings and he my step-father) were.  He told Mom he put in for Long Beach and gee, we ended up in Oklahoma.  She was pissed, needless to say. 

It's really about money, his first love.  My mother told me that she had a life insurance policy for my younger bro and sis and I, b/c Dad made her sign papers at the bank saying that if he died first the house would go to my older bro and not her?! WEIRD! and super painful for her.  Yet, she never gave me the insurance info and by now I'm sure he has all of that money ... so, let him have it if it means THAT much to him ... This new woman has $$$ from her husband's passing and all that that entails plus she is also to sell her home and frankly, I'll miss him but glad he's moving on and getting all of this drama over with.  He thinks he won't have to pay anything or that it will only be 1/2 b/c she has "her own money" ... LMAO!  I think he's in for a very rude awakening!

My older bro, from what my sis told me is not too happy either, b/c, "It's too soon and we don't know her".  He loved Mom so much and is really greiving over her loss, she's the only mother he ever knew and she raised him as her own, she loved him no differenly than any of us other 4 and he knew that.  He never forgot her birthday or Mother's Day, when he would send her huge boquets of flowers, which she just absolutely LOVED!  The smile on he face and happiness in her voice said it all when she would, each time, tell me about them :)

That first day, it hurt hearing the news but then in reality, I'm glad he's moving on, I just wish he would have been more respectable about waiting and at least introducing us all to "her", whomever the f*@# "SHE" is?!, etc.  Guess he didn't want to face the firestorm LOL!

Lastly, he hasn't had the decency to tell me to my face/ear, I've not heard a word from him, we'll see what happens with that, but with November fast approaching, I guess the point is moot.

Now, I'm left with, he was my father since I was 9 years old (I'm 50 now) and he's marrying someone else who'm I'm not related to.  What'll we do with holidays and such?  The first thing he said to me when mom passed was, "I know I'm not your dad, but I wanna stay in touch with you kids" (there are 3 of us that he's referring to with this statement).  I said, "You've always been my Dad and of course we'll stay in touch".  I just have no idea to what degree now, b/c we're technically no longer family?!  Why didn't this woman insist on meeting us all and telling us to our faces or together or get to know us a bit?  Why the rush?  She's only 65 and he's 75. What happens when he dies?  He has a "condo" as he calls it, that's already paid for, next to Mom (he's to be creamated like she was and ashes placed in an urn, in a little marble slot with an etching and wording).  Mom used to say that, "I know if I die first, he's gonna remarry right away" and have a very mad, disappointed look on her face.  But it was her fault, she waited on him hand-and-foot!  I hated THAT and we'd argue about it.  She'd say that I was, "too American" and I'd remind her that, "You wanted me to BE!" LOL!

I guess there comes a time in life when YOU are the head of the family and all reunions happen at your house b/c everyone has passed on?  I know that I will continue to create a home for my family to be just that, together and loving each other unconditionally and as we are.  It's time for me to move-on, too, hard as it is, not saying "good-bye" but more like, Aloha, "see ya latahs"!  ... I guess it matters not how I feel, life is just going to go on and I'll surely live it and not merely exist as has been my nature since birth!

Thank you for listening, I really DO feel better :)

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