Friday, February 11, 2011

The Longest, Saddest Day of My Life

My phone was ringing frantically this morning at around 8a ... I knew something was wrong.  As I answered it was my Wasband (the girls dad, my ex husband) and all he had to say was, "Has your Dad gotten ahold of you yet?"  I knew what that meant and replied, " DON'T TELL ME MY MOTHER HAS DIED?!" "He said, well ... " and that's all I heard. I broke down sobbing and began crying/screaming loudly in pain.  My husband picked up the phone as I made my way to the living room where the Altar is and began to pray.

I miss her terribly, of course, what daughter doesn't miss their mother? 

I got the details from my Dad later.  He said she had been ill for two weeks now and of course she only told me it was a "cold".  He said that the doctor prescribed her some cough medicine and from there she went down hill, FAST!  She was apparently on oxygen, which she also neglected to tell me, that she had to sleep with and it also started two weeks ago. 

Dad said that she had lost a lot of weight, which isn't good at all b/c she was 5'0" tall and only weighed 96lbs., what weight did she have to lose?!  He said he made her some chicken soup for dinner and she went to sleep.  He got up around 3a to check on her and she was sleeping peacefully, the he checked on her again around 6a and found her in the bathroom slumped over against the door jam.  He immediately called 911 and began CPR.

She was pronounced dead in the ambulance which is only a 3 minute ride from their house, one reason she loved that house so much b/c the police station and fire station next door to it were only 3 minutes away and the hospital was across the street from those stations ... that ride to the hospital was her last.

Poor Dad, when he was asked if he wanted to view her body one last time he said, "No that he had been performing CPR on her all morning and that was not the memory he wanted of her, dead in the hospital as if he had failed her" ...  you see ... Dad LIVED for Mom.  She was his life, he has said so on more than on occasion and it is him that I worry about now.  My older sister and I both agree that in a year, we will be sending him to be with Mom ... eternally.

I thank my mother for the culture, love and family that she taught me, the things that matter most in life are the things that can not be purchased.  I thank her for loving me for the person that I am and she saw and loved my nature.  My love of animals and especially my courage to pursue my love of horses and riding even at this late stage of the game ...

She turned 80 in December, I'll be 50 in October ... something she was so very proud of.

She and Dad just celebrated their 40th Wedding Anniversary on January the 30th ... a treasured day in our family for it brought two broken families together and made one whole, and very large family of ADD folks that needed to OD on Ritalyn! LOL!

I will miss her with every day that passes and as my Dad said .. this is Day 1 ... he means for him without Mom and that he doesn't see there being too awfully many ...

As Dad has always taught us, in Buddhism, it's not "good-bye" it's "See Ya Later"!

I love you Mom, I'm glad that I made you so proud, of me, of the children I have raised, of the family I made, the culture and traditions that I pass on.

In your honour, name and memory ... forever, my Mother.  Aishiiteimasu ...


  1. Oh, my friend, I am so sorry. So very very sorry. BIG HUGS to you!!!

  2. I am so sorry. I felt that way when I lost my dad. My thoughts are with you!

  3. I am so very sorry for your loss - it does NOT matter how many of us have gone through this trying time, or how many will follow. Know that what you have now is yours, but we are with you in spirit, if nothing else. This is your path, but simply speak and one of us will hold you in our spiritual arms until you're strong enough.

  4. I am in tears after reading this. You are such a loving person and it hurts me to hear that you have to go through this. I am sending hugs to you and your family.


  5. Can't thank you enough for being her for me ... I really, deeply appreciate each of you and your kind, supportive words, thoughts and prayers.