Monday, October 31, 2011

November 5th

Hello Bloggers!

Well it looks like we'll be moving in to our new digs Friday (please say a prayer that, that's true and all works out that we do!) so I'll be able to post pics of the fabric that I'd like to have in my first ever FABULOUS Fall Fabric Giveaway!

As you know, I love Fall, it's my fave season and I am SO excited it's here!  I know it'll be late when we draw for the winner, the Sunday after Thanksgiving, but you'll have it, love it and a LOT of it!

Now for the ways to enter:

1. Leave me a comment

2. Create a link on your page, back to mine

3. Leave a comment on a friends page mentioning my giveaway with a link to my page

4. You'll get an extra entry for giving me the link to their page

5. Follow my blog

There you have it, FIVE chances to win!

I am itchin to get stitchin myself and am so excited and happy that I just HAVE to share the joy!

Thank you for your entry and I can't wait to see who wins!

*HUGS* and Alohas!

Sunday, October 30, 2011

My Dad has Completely Lost His Mind

I am sorry, but I just HAVE to get this off my chest for I have kept quiet way too long now!

So I go to visit my sister a couple of weeks ago and a few minutes after I get there she asks me to sit down coz she has something to tell me, about Dad.  I hate that and won't ever sit down, just tell me so I can take it standing up!  (I thought she was going to tell me he was dying of cancer or something horrible liek that?!) So, I say, "No, go ahead *gulp*".

She proceeds to tell me that dad is getting remarried.  I ask when and she says, "November, next MONTH, and that's not all".  "He's selling the house and moving to Ohio, coz 'she's' from Ohio and he loves it there, he's already been to visit a couple of times, AND 'she' was at Mom's funeral!".

Now don't get me wrong, I don't begrudge the man his happiness at all, it's just that he told me he wasn't going to do ANYTHING  for one year (Mom passed February of 2010).  Yet several things immediately did not add up.

First, he had told me back in May that he had "BEEN dating", he clearly let it slip, you should've seen his face when he realized who it was he had slipped the info to! At that time he told me that he "wasn't going to do ANYTHING for ONE YEAR", adamantly insisting.

He was working furiously to get rid of everything that was Mom's and it showed.  He even said he was going to trade in his almost brand new GMC Sierra and Mom's 4 year old Buick Le Sabre, which he had been driving coz he said it was better on gas than his truck which only had 29K miles on it and mom's car had not quite 50K.  Well, first LIE, he traded in cars alright, just Mom's and then to buy that "gas saver" he got an Equinox?! The Buick got better mileage!

Second, my sibilings and I were trying to talk him into selling the house b/c he can't stand to go into Mom's room where he found her and he's hired someone to come and clean.  *rolling eyes*  Again, he reiterated that he wasn't going to do anything for one year.

Third, but not lacking in importance, this issue w/moving out-of-state.  My Mother wanted to move too, at his suggestion and much to her delight, either Ft. Lauderdale or Seattle, both of which she LOVED, because she could, "Eat fresh fish anytime I wanted and be around a LOT of Japanese people".  She had such a happy, dreamy look in her eye when she would say that, and was SO happy at the prospect!  However, years passed and no excuses except that he didn't want to have a house payment, he just didn't get mortgages and equity and real estate wealth in general ... *rolling eyes*. 

Don't get me wrong here, I don't begrudge the man his happiness at all, he deserves that.  What I'm upset and disappointed and just plain angry about is the lies, all the lying, why is it necessary?! 

First the woman is from Dad's "gang" as he calls them, her husband has passed, dunno how long ago, so she and dad hook up, yet she was at Mom's funeral and has known mom as long as she's known dad ... since the mid 80's?!!!  Second, he wouldn't move out of Oklahoma, his birthplace and life-long home when Mom wanted to but b/c this woman wants to he will w/o hesitation?!  Yah, yah, he's grieving and wants to get away from where Mom died and is buried but COME ON!  When we first moved to Oklahoma from Long Beach, California, he LIED to Mom about his choice of final duty stations, he said his choices were either to stay in Long Beach, or he could choose Pearl City, Hawai'i, or Oklahoma, where he was from and his parents and 2 children (my older bro and sis who are actually step-sibilings and he my step-father) were.  He told Mom he put in for Long Beach and gee, we ended up in Oklahoma.  She was pissed, needless to say. 

It's really about money, his first love.  My mother told me that she had a life insurance policy for my younger bro and sis and I, b/c Dad made her sign papers at the bank saying that if he died first the house would go to my older bro and not her?! WEIRD! and super painful for her.  Yet, she never gave me the insurance info and by now I'm sure he has all of that money ... so, let him have it if it means THAT much to him ... This new woman has $$$ from her husband's passing and all that that entails plus she is also to sell her home and frankly, I'll miss him but glad he's moving on and getting all of this drama over with.  He thinks he won't have to pay anything or that it will only be 1/2 b/c she has "her own money" ... LMAO!  I think he's in for a very rude awakening!

My older bro, from what my sis told me is not too happy either, b/c, "It's too soon and we don't know her".  He loved Mom so much and is really greiving over her loss, she's the only mother he ever knew and she raised him as her own, she loved him no differenly than any of us other 4 and he knew that.  He never forgot her birthday or Mother's Day, when he would send her huge boquets of flowers, which she just absolutely LOVED!  The smile on he face and happiness in her voice said it all when she would, each time, tell me about them :)

That first day, it hurt hearing the news but then in reality, I'm glad he's moving on, I just wish he would have been more respectable about waiting and at least introducing us all to "her", whomever the f*@# "SHE" is?!, etc.  Guess he didn't want to face the firestorm LOL!

Lastly, he hasn't had the decency to tell me to my face/ear, I've not heard a word from him, we'll see what happens with that, but with November fast approaching, I guess the point is moot.

Now, I'm left with, he was my father since I was 9 years old (I'm 50 now) and he's marrying someone else who'm I'm not related to.  What'll we do with holidays and such?  The first thing he said to me when mom passed was, "I know I'm not your dad, but I wanna stay in touch with you kids" (there are 3 of us that he's referring to with this statement).  I said, "You've always been my Dad and of course we'll stay in touch".  I just have no idea to what degree now, b/c we're technically no longer family?!  Why didn't this woman insist on meeting us all and telling us to our faces or together or get to know us a bit?  Why the rush?  She's only 65 and he's 75. What happens when he dies?  He has a "condo" as he calls it, that's already paid for, next to Mom (he's to be creamated like she was and ashes placed in an urn, in a little marble slot with an etching and wording).  Mom used to say that, "I know if I die first, he's gonna remarry right away" and have a very mad, disappointed look on her face.  But it was her fault, she waited on him hand-and-foot!  I hated THAT and we'd argue about it.  She'd say that I was, "too American" and I'd remind her that, "You wanted me to BE!" LOL!

I guess there comes a time in life when YOU are the head of the family and all reunions happen at your house b/c everyone has passed on?  I know that I will continue to create a home for my family to be just that, together and loving each other unconditionally and as we are.  It's time for me to move-on, too, hard as it is, not saying "good-bye" but more like, Aloha, "see ya latahs"!  ... I guess it matters not how I feel, life is just going to go on and I'll surely live it and not merely exist as has been my nature since birth!

Thank you for listening, I really DO feel better :)

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Celebration Giveaway!

So, Fall is my favourite time of year and to celebrate our victories as well as the season, after we get moved in to our new home which should be around the 1st? I'd like to have a giveaway!

I'll post pics of some fabulous Fall fabric and quite a good-sized amount and give you 4 chances to enter to win:

1.  Leave me a comment
2.  Leave a comment on a friends page mentioning my giveaway with a link to my page
3.  You'll get an extra entry for giving me the link to their page
4.  Follow me

We'll draw on Monday after Thanksgiving - yah, late for Fall fabric, I know but like I said, it's my FAV!

Po'maiki'i ana! (good luck)

*HUGS* and Alohas to you all!

FINALLY! I Break Through!

Well, let's get started.

This year started with me losing my job on February 7th, a job that I REALLY liked and with a company that I liked even more than that!  Then, on the 11th, my beloved mother passed away, suddenly. The picture of health and a health nut almost to an extreme, gone, just like that! Next came my older daughter's car accident with a semi-tractor trailer that most fortunately, only left her with a bruise across her shoulder where the seat belt saved her and severely shaken, which, she over came pretty quickly.

It gets better ... hubby, who has been jobless at this point almost three YEARS (September 2nd would have been three hears) continued to search in vain, as well as myself. So, by June, with our savings completely exhausted, we had to move.  Having put what was left of our belongings in climate controlled storage we left.  We had nowhere to go so I placed Butters with a neighbor that seriously loves him, probably as much as I do and what really hurt is, I think Butters loves that old man more than ME! LOL! BOY! The tears and pain in my heart at watching him drive away after I loaded him in the trailer and he kept looking back at me asking, "Aren't YOU coming WITH ME?!" Anyways, back to it ... Tilley, Sierra's Border Collie, went to live on a farm that's a fish hatchery chasing ducks away from the fish, she's in complete heaven and her new owner sends pics and updates ... to the ex, I can't handle it, it's just too heart-breaking.  George, my beloved outdoor cat who was the best dog I ever had, went to live across the street as head mouser and beloved feline ... happy fat cat lol!

'Lainey went to live with her dad since he has a six-figure income and is still single and lives in a school district that is what most only dream of.  He drops her off at school every morning and she rides a bus with padded seats, seat belts, heating and a/c, home and to her tech classes that are at another school.  The Cafeteria should be renamed McDonald's w/a Buffet/Salad Bar!  Her friends are nice preppy girls that care about their grades and their futures in a positive sense, and her classes, wow!  She is actually taking the same Chemistry class as a Sophmore in High School that her sister is taking as a Freshman at Texas Tech!  She misses me but only as a typical 15 year old girl does, trust me, we're both VERY happy with her new living arrangements, seeing me only on weekends and holidays/breaks  makes me the good guy LOL!  Plus, her grandfather gave her his car.  It's a newer model Buick with only 29K miles on it, whatta dream come true!  She's working at Chick-fil-a 2 days/week until she turns 16 so she's lovin life and I am so very happy about THAT!

So, that leaves Tuck, the Corgi, LeeLoo the Phalene and Jake my collie.  Jake and LeeLoo are living w/a friend in her large back yard in their pens and I visit them 4x/daily to feed, exercise and clean up after them ... the summer was brutal! Tuck is w/us here :)

So, for two weeks after we moved out of the house, we were homeless and sleeping in our car.  That was a cool adventure, much like back in high school, until it started getting hot, ugh!  So, hubby got a job doing day-labour which afforded us enough to continue to make the car payment and get a hotel room, where we've been ever since.

Now, the break through ...

Hubby got a job, a REAL job about the time school started and is enrolled in school full-time .. he just can't further his career w/o finishing his degree.  He's working 2nd shift, making straight A's, except for the 1 B lol! and although tired, not complaining a bit, too tired, too, I think? ... we got approved on an application for an apartment and we get to move in as soon as it's remodel is complete!  It's a 3 bedroom, which they rarely have come available and the best part, I get to take all 3 of my dogs, I don't have to place any of them! YAY!

So, as things improve, I'll get a nice, fat refund in the Spring, probably February and can buy a horse and get back to riding.  I've saved all my tack and am saving for a truck/trailer but that'll be late Spring at best lol!  The fact that there is light at the end of the tunnel is what matters.

Through it all, I never lost hope, I never gave up, I refused to complain or whine, we're not whiners in our family and I wasn't about to start now! Turning 50 yesterday proved that I CAN make all my dreams come true in spite of what life throws at me.  That I AM capable and everything that I've ever wanted to be and that I live life on MY terms, NEVER DEFEATED!  I have a profound sense of appreciation for myself and a self-worth that I never knew could deepen, actually did.

I only shared what we were going through with only a couple of close friends because I did not want folks wasting time on prayers for us that could be used for others, so many are in need and in far worse shape than us, because they have lost hope, I never did. To these dear friends and even my ex, who loaned us money and really didn't have to, I owe everything, for their love, support and prayers, I surely could not have made it otherwise.

I was very reluctant to share my story but I'm so happy with getting an apartment, and getting back on our feet that I just can't keep it to myself and have to write it somewhere and since no one ever reads this, why not HERE?! LOL!

Also, I didn't want anyone to worry or feel sorry for us/me or pity me. I'm a tough old bird and though I may be down, I won't EVER be OUT!  It may take me time and all this happened for a reason, it was time for change, time for growth and was necessary, as painful as it may have been at times.  But I made it through, unscathed.  It's just life, none of us get out of it alive or without incident, it is why Shakespeare called it "Drama", it's all connected and so are we and I am no longer afraid of that! I FEAR ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!

So many are in our soon-to-be, previous, situation.  Some constantly lament and even commit suicide?!  I can't imagine feeling that hopeless and pray for their eternal happiness.  If I could beg someone to NOT give up and it work, I would.  Instead, I pray with tremendous appreciation and gratitude.

Now, onward to a better and brighter future and getting back on our feetz with a LOT of riding and camping and quilting! WOO HOO!